Angelo Charles Bovino (Jr) was born at 8:23 pm on June 28th, 2022 weighing 6 lbs 10 oz
I’ve always been petrified of giving birth since I was old enough to understand the – eh – mechanism of birth. So when I got pregnant, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I had to not only carry a baby for 9 months, I then had to somehow get it out of me.
In order to cope with the anxiety of giving birth, I tried to prepare, plan and become informed. I dove into other people’s birth stories on Reddit, listened to birth story podcasts, and read birth stories on random blogs. I found that the more I read about what could possibly happen to me, the less anxious I was.
But I never once read about what eventually happened to me during my labor and delivery – hence why I’m deciding to share my story. Just goes to show that no matter how well you prepare or how comprehensive your birth plan is, it could all go to shit.
During my 40-week checkup, my doctor advised that I be induced a few days after my due date (June 25) if I didn’t go into labor naturally. His words were “nothing good happens after your due date.”
Right before our 40-week checkup
We scheduled an induction for Monday, June 27th at 8 pm. I know there will be opinions about being induced without having a medical reason, but I had a strong feeling that I wasn’t going into labor anytime soon (I mean, at 40 weeks he hadn’t even dropped yet). My mom had to be induced for me and my brother for going past her due date, so I always assumed I’d have to go through the same.
8 pm June 27th: When we arrived at the hospital, Saint Clare’s in Denville, NJ, it was 89 degrees outside and I was placed in a room without air conditioning. Because I have breathing issues, being in a hot room makes me feel claustrophobic and like I can’t breathe.
How was I supposed to go into labor for god knows how many hours and then give birth in a hot room?! My nurse told me that the air conditioner was broken in our specific wing, but she’d see if she could find a room that was cooler.
10 pm: Luckily I was placed in a new room that was slightly cooler – a room that I could at least breathe in. They hooked the baby and me up to check vitals and around 10:30, I took my first dose of Cytotec to start the labor process. I started “high and tight” which is basically completely closed, 0cm dilated.
1 am June 28th: Angelo and I tried to get some sleep but I woke up to painful contractions at 1 am. Anxiety kicked in – like oh my god this was actually happening. Little did I know that my induction would not go as planned…
3 am: Had a painful cervical check and was told I was 0 cm dilated. So they gave me more Cytotec and I fell asleep.
7 am: Woke up at 7 to yet another painful cervical check to see how dilated I was – still 0 cm. My doctor advised that I start Pitocin to get things moving along.
12 pm: I was consistently having contractions 3-5 mins apart and was starting to feel really uncomfortable (side note – the birthing ball really helped me during the contractions).
My doctor did another cervical check and I was still 0 cm dilated. He advised that I get my epidural at this point.
The only part of my birth plan was “give me all the legal drugs” so I knew I would get an epidural eventually, but I didn’t want to get it too soon – at least not until I was a few cm dilated.
So yes, I felt like it was too soon for the epidural because I wasn’t dilated at all, but the contractions were becoming unbearable, and I was told that getting the epidural would help me relax, and I’d soon likely be a few cm dilated.
12:30: The anesthesiologist came in and prepped me for the epidural. I had so much anxiety about this part and was hoping Angelo would be in front of me, but he had to step behind the curtain so they could create a sterile environment. However, my nurse, Ginny, was an angel and held my hand while the needle was placed into my back.
Unfortunately, the baby was still sitting really high, so I couldn’t bend over the edge of the bed properly. The anesthesiologist made three attempts before the needle went into the right place. The first two failed attempts would lead to complications, but we’ll get to that later.
1 pm – 5 pm: I finally felt like I could relax. The next few hours consisted of continuous contractions, laying with the peanut ball, and sleeping. Around 3 pm, two nurses came in and said the baby’s heart rate was dropping, so they gave me oxygen and decreased my Pitocin which helped regulate his heart rate.
6 pm: I was feeling discouraged that I still wasn’t even 1 cm dilated during the last cervical check, but I was having consistent contractions all day. Needless to say, I was hopeful when my doctor came in to do yet another cervical check at 6 pm. He was optimistic and said that if I was at least 1 cm dilated, he’d break my water.
But I was somehow still 0 cm dilated.
He left the room to go speak to his colleagues while I sat with Angelo, concerned about what would happen next.
How effin long would it take for me to get to 10 cm and then push a baby out at this point?
My doctor and nurse Ginny came in and told me that I was basically experiencing false labor, the meds weren’t working, and he was concerned that maybe the baby hadn’t dropped any closer to my cervix yet because there was a cord issue.
He then offered something that I had not yet prepared for or done much research on:
a C-section.
I jokingly replied, “but what am I supposed to do with all the perineal foam I bought?”
They went over the pros/cons, recovery, etc., and left me and Angelo to talk about it before making a decision.
My emotions were all over the place. I had done so much research and mentally prepared myself to deliver vaginally. I now had to consider having surgery, the 6-8 week recovery time, and how Angelo would take on the burden of caring for me and a new baby.
I essentially had two options: move forward with a C-section or spend another night trying to induce labor, get from 0-10 cm and then push a baby out. The latter didn’t feel promising, so I opted for the c-section.
I felt like I had failed.
But how much longer would the induction process take if, after 24 hours, I still wasn’t even 1 cm dilated?!
7 pm: Within minutes, an anesthesiologist, two more nurses and my doctor were prepping me for surgery. Ginny’s shift ended at 7, but like the saint she was, she wanted to stick around and be there for support during the delivery because my anxiety was through the roof. Also, everyone was placing bets on how big the baby would be after we informed them that Angelo was a 10 lb baby, haha!
7:30-8:23 pm: While the medical team walked me through the C-section process, I was uncontrollably shaking, feeling really hot, and like I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to say I wasn’t ready and I was scared, but I couldn’t get the words out. Looking back, I’m pretty sure I was having a panic attack.
Before I knew it, I was under the bright lights in the operating room while a 90’s Pop soundtrack played in the background, and about six other people were shuffling around prepping me for surgery. Angelo had to wait in the other room while they set up, and Ginny held my hand to calm me down. My hands were strapped down and I was violently itchy (a side effect from the epidural), which felt like some sort of medieval torture method.
Everything was a blur. At some point, the anesthesia started to hit and all I remember was Angelo finally sitting next to me, feeling pressure on my stomach, and my doctor holding up my screaming baby.
My baby.
One of the nurses took photos/videos and I have a full view of him being pulled out of my stomach – my insides showing and all. It was rather disturbing and something I wish I had never seen. But I am so grateful for all the other photos/videos she took.
None of it felt real. I had waited months to meet him and here he was. I couldn’t see what was going on but Angelo went to cut the cord, they cleaned him up and brought him to me.
The first thing he did was lick my face LOL.
Every bit of pain, worry, and stress dissipated at that moment. It was the purest form of blissfulness and elation I’ve ever experienced.
I was hoping for immediate skin-to-skin contact but everything happened so quickly. They whisked him away and sent me to a recovery room. I kept asking when I could see him and about an hour later, they finally brought him to me.
The morning after delivery:
The beautiful sunrise from our room
Fast forward to 7 am, I had an excruciating headache that trickled from my forehead down to my tailbone. Something didn’t feel right. To make a long story short, I was told I needed a blood patch, which eventually happened 28 hours later. It was a rough 28 hours – between the c-section pain and head/spinal ache, I couldn’t take care of the baby like I wanted to.
Essentially, the two failed epidural attempts created holes in my spine, which was causing pain, and the only way to fix it was to give me another epidural using my own blood to fill the holes. If I didn’t do this procedure, they said the headache would last up to two weeks. I was dreading another needle in my back but the pain was absolutely unbearable, so I went for it.
Luckily about 2 hours after the procedure, I started to feel some relief. Since being home, I still unfortunately am experiencing excruciating pain in my lower back, to the point where I can’t be comfortable unless I’m taking Tylenol or Motrin. I can’t figure out what’s going on and I’m going to see a doctor about it but I’m praying it will resolve itself soon. Maybe it’s just the aftermath of a failed induction, missed epidurals, C-section and blood patch all in the span of 3 days?
Anyway…
After four nights in the hospital, we finally went home on Friday!
After living in a hospital gown for 4 days, I couldn’t wait to put on something that made me feel like myself.
I am forever grateful for the amazing nurses who took such good care of me and baby Angelo during our time at the hospital. Nurses truly are angels.
I’ve never been one to publicly gush over my husband, but I cannot begin to describe how gracefully Angelo has stepped into his role as a dad. It was so instinctual for him. I wasn’t really surprised because he’s always been so great with babies and animals, but it’s been a delight to watch him flourish with our own son.
He’s been an unbelievably fantastic partner and has taken such great care of me and the baby. He sacrifices his own sleep so I can sleep a little more. He ensures that I leave the house at least once a day for a mental break. He’s always by my side to make me feel better when I’m emotional. He encourages me to keep doing things that make me feel like me.
Sorry for the super long post, I felt like it was important to provide as much context as possible. TBH I think I’m still processing everything, but we’ve been soaking up every second with baby Angelo.
A QUICK NOTE ON POSTPARTUM
I may do a separate post about my first few days/weeks postpartum, as it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and I’ve struggled emotionally and physically. Between my emotions, adjusting to our new life, the excruciating back pain, plus recovering from surgery, it’s been challenging to step into a new chapter. But since I’m still in the thick of it, it’s likely a different story for a different day.
Thanks for being here <3
xo
Alisa
Congrats on Angelo’s arrival! If I had been impressed by you before, even more so now! Take your time healing and loving your little one.
Thank you so much Denise!????????????
You did everything right, mama. No failures. You brought your baby into the world—the baby God made you, specifically, to mother. Congratulations on your beautiful little one and prayers for continued recovery and flourishing for all of you.
Thank you so much Nicole ????????
4x c-section mama here. I was 10 days overdue and a very similar story except my epidural went fine. Turns out my babies never drop, I don’t ever dilate past 1 cm because we don’t transition. I actually went into labor on my own with the rest of my 3 at 38 weeks, ahead of scheduled c-sections and still had to have c-sections. All that to say, is congratulations, it can be really hard but obviously worth it! Also, my c-section recovery was better than some of my friends natural birth recovery, every woman is so different!
Wow!! Thank you for sharing ????
Oh gosh, I hope your back is feeling better soon. I’m super impressed with you! It seems no amount of reading can ever fully prepare you, right? Baby Angelo is adorbs and healthy and that’s what matters along with your own physical and mental health. Thanks for sharing and I hope you feel 100% like yourself soon ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for the kind words, Michele ????
Congratulations, what a beautiful baby boy. I’m praying for your complete recovery. What a story! I am passing it on to my niece who delivered her first child in June and my other niece who is a labor delivery nurse. Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself first so you can be there for your family.
Thank you so much Judy ????
Hoping that you will be feeling better soon so that you may thoroughly enjoy your beautiful family. Your little boy is precious. Thanky ou for all you do for your readers.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Wendy!????
Hi Alisa,
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I loved reading all about the events leading up to Angelo’s birth. He’s such an adorable little baby.
I can’t wait to watch him grow up through your blog & on IG.
Rest all you can. ????
Thank you so so much, Mary ????
Congratulations! Our stories are similar and yours stirred me to share ; I tried so hard when induced labor had to happen, but after 24 hrs had to “give up” (or rather “give in”) to the reality of a C-section I didn’t want. But it was the first of many parenting decisions where I’ve had to adapt to circumstances and make the most of a situation even if it takes time– something I still learn every day to do after being independent for so long and used to having a heavy hand in “creating my own reality” if I work hard enough…my kids teach me as much as I teach them. Your glowing positivity will serve you well 🙂 And 1 more thing – stay on top of those pain meds – don’t let the pain get away from you. My husband helped with timers when I couldn’t think straight to ensure I woke up without too much pain. Might help in these first few weeks? Feel better!
Wow! Yes, just the first of many parenting decisions where I’ll have to adapt to his circumstances ???? thank you for sharing your story and perspective!
Your baby is adorable, so cute! And your husband is as handsome on the inside as he is on the outside. I am so happy for you both and so sorry to hear what a terrible time you had. I hope by now the backaches are gone and you are feeling much better. Thank you for sharing your story and the precious photos of your darling son.
Thank you so much for the sweet comment Patrice ????
Congratulations!!! God Bless your family and Angelo is such a cutie ????
Your story brought tears to my eyes because it so close to my birth story. Like 70%of it. One thing that was different I went home and my legs were swollen from all the meds leaving my body.
I hope your back pain goes away soon!! Congrats again!!
Aww. Thank you for sharing Cristina!????
Congratulations to you, ‘big’ Angelo and baby Angelo!
I was so reliving my shitty first delivery. I was convinced I had to be 8-9 cm dilated because it hurt so much! Went to Freehold Hospital, nope, not dilated at all! Begged for a c-section! Again, nope – until they put the monitor on us – emergency c-section! Kid had the cord between his knees, so with each contraction, he squeezed the cord. Needless to say, I was freaking out.
The nurse, was also from Staten Island and told me to stop my effin shit and leave the O2 mask on!! She came to apologize for talking to me like that, but she needed to get through to me. Told her not to even worry, since I curse like a truck driver!
I’ve had epidurals in the past, one of which led to a leak. They are right, it takes a good 2+ weeks if no blood patch. I didn’t get the patch, so suffered.
Second kid, requested a c/s when I found out we were having another kid! ‘Oh, you can do a VBAC’ no, YOU can do a VBAC, I want a c-section!! Got it!
Sorry to be so long winded, I am Irish-Italian after all, so I definitely talk!!
God bless you and your family!!
Omg!! That’s crazy. I didn’t realize it was so common?! Or maybe it’s not ???? hahah thank you for sharing your story!! ????????????
Congratulations! Baby Angelo is adorable! Thank you for sharing your story and pictures! If you don’t have one, get a postpartum belly wrap/belt, something tight around the belly really helps you do things without pain (it also helped on the 2nd pregnancy and postpartum)! My first birthing experience was also one that was not expected (along with complications, an emergency surgery the next day, and a 13 day hospital stay), so I do understand the feelings you experienced…again, thank you for sharing! Please take the time to rest and heal, it is a slow process, don’t rush it! Sending positive thoughts that your back issues will resolve quickly. Once you get the ok from your doctor, follow-up with a chiropractor, this really helped me as well. Best wishes to you and your family!
Omg yes I’ve been living in my belly band! It’s definitely helped. And thanks for sharing, I think I’ll look into a chiropractor ????
Congratulations!! God bless you and your beautiful son Angelo! I had both of my
Children by c- section, never had the vaginal birth experience. They are both healthy adults now, so grateful for the last minute decision to do the c- sections.
Wow! Thank you for sharing ????
Congratulations! He’s so, so beautiful! I’m sorry your labor was so rough I literally sobbed through this entire post. You did NOT fail because you had a C-section. You made the best decision for you and your son. Recovery is so hard, but it will get easier! ???? sending lots of love to you and your family!
Thank you so much Heather ???????????? I appreciate that.
Now that I stopped bawling after reading the emotions of your journey, I take a deep breath and can only say “wow”; a simple but profound “wow”. Your son is just perfection itself, all of it courtesy of God, Daddy, and Mommy.
UR a tough cookie, Alisa, as this will be one of the most demanding experiences of your life. God bless you, Big Angelo, and Little Man……what you, and your body, went through was nothing short of AMAZING..????
BTW, when Little Man becomes a teen, and maybe gets a little full of himself, and UR exasperated, show him this story………it usually works to help them come down off their own pedestal…..????
Thank you for the kind words Antonietta ???? I will definitely be sharing this story with him someday ????
What a beautiful birth story! I, too, was terrified for 38 weeks about giving birth when my son came 2 weeks early, we couldn’t push him out, I went in for a c-section, the epidural didn’t take and I had to undergo my surgery under complete general anesthesia while my husband anxiously waited outside. I don’t say that as a “one up” story, I share that to say no matter what we plan or how are babies get here, there is no “failure”. The miracle lies within the lives in our hands; the precious little angels that God entrusts us to care for while here on Earth. You were specifically chosen to be Angelo’s mother and you are already amazing… even when you don’t see it, he can feel it. Congratulations to you and your husband!! It is a sweet, sweet time so embrace every single second ????
That made me tear up, thank you so so much ???? and thank you for sharing your story!
My dear friend is a nurse midwife and says so many women plan so hard they have a terrible time when delivery doesn’t go as they planned. This definitely sounds genetic.
For some reason I thought your husband would be a suit type!?! You’re a gorgeous family, your baby is adorable and thanks be to God you’re all safe.
Your fans will all be here when you’re ready to blog again. Until then, focus entirely joyfully on your family.
Thank you so much Nancy!
So happy your baby is here and you are settled at home.
Your story brought back memories from 44 years ago! I was scheduled to deliver with the help of an epidural, our daughter arrived so fast they gave it to me in the last few minutes of delivery. Couldn’t possibly stay still. The next day my head couldn’t rise off the pillow. I still remember the headaches. I feel for you.
In those days my OB devised a wrap under my chest that supposedly put pressure on my spine. He also told my husband to bring some vodka for me! Something to do with dehydration?
My point is although it was tough at the time,( I had a 3 yr old at home) the bad passes thank God and there is just the joy of your baby in your arms.
God Bless you all
Best Regards,
Pam
Wow! Thank you for sharing your story ????
Alisa, there is no such thing as a failure in childbirth!! You did great and your son is beautiful and healthy. 45 years ago, I thought I had to have my baby naturally–we even went to Natural Childbirth classes! After a terrible labor, I gave up and said–give me drugs!! I even had to defend my actions to the “natural” mothers! We all have different experiences but the universal goal is a happy healthy beautiful baby!! Don’t even get into the debate of breast feeding vs. bottle feeding. Do what works for YOU and your baby! Congratulations!
Thank you so much for the sentiment, Beth! ????
Awww he’s so handsome, Alisa!!! I hate that you had such a rough time. I was induced also and waited to have my epidural until I was in excruciating pain. The pain drugs weren’t helping anymore, which I didn’t even know could be a thing ???? . I hope you’re recovery is going OK – I know that’s rough. You’re so happy and overwhelmed all at once. I’ve been taking Zoloft post partum and it has helped me a lot. But each day gets better and better, watching him change and learn new things. So magical! I know that may sound like a broken record, but it is true. ❤️
Wow! Thank you for sharing Jordan ???? I hope you’re doing ok!
As women we appreciate other women’s birth stories and love to share details. It’s like this club we all belong to. 😉
I’m sorry your first birth wasn’t the way you planned it but really no one’s ever goes to plan. Each one is so different. Angelo, Jr. is such a beautiful baby. Enjoy every moment. The days may be long but the years go by quickly. Blessings!
Thank you so much Deborah!
Your son is perfect. I see only success – anyway to have a healthy baby is a good one. I hope your pain goes away quickly.
Thank you so much Janet ????
Congratulations! You did great making the best decisions for you and your baby. ???? The thing that’s wild to believe is that we forget all the pain and anguish we go through and turn right around and have another one! Wishing you continued healing and so much enjoyment and love with your sweet baby boy.????????????????????????
Yes agreed! I told the nurses “see you again in a few years” haha!
What a beautiful baby he is! I’m so sorry his birth was so traumatic. Even a smooth natural birth is hard and exhausting, and yours was extra tough (I’ve had a c-section because of a breech baby followed by a fast natural VBAC followed by an emergency c-section in which the cord was wrapped twice around baby’s neck). My advice is to rest whenever possible, rejoice in the sweetness of baby when you can, accept all offers of help, and also accept all of your feelings as valid and real. This is a hard and a beautiful time, and you are doing a terrific job. And it will all get easier and easier as you heal and baby Angelo grows.
Woah. That sounds stressful ???? Thank you for sharing your story and for the kind words Caroline ????
Oh, Alisa, Welcome to the club! You did a fantastic job, and Angelo has the most beautiful, precious little face, ever!
Both of my kids were nearly two weeks “late” and the second one put me back in the hospital for three days, with a fever of 104 when he was five days old. And, no, I was not in the maternity ward when I went back. Good times. But, we get through it. It’s such a huge change and it’s not like we can adjust to it gradually. However, you’re not alone. Hang tough girlfriend! xoxox
Oh goodness! I suppose this is just the start of the stress he will cause me, LOL. Thank you so much Laurel ????????????
I’m crying. I’m so happy for you and Angelo, it’s such a special and bonding time for both of you and your new life with you ADORABLE baby boy. He’s so tiny and C????TE. I just wanna hold him, too bad I’m on the West coast.
Two c-sections for me, 1995 and 97….so a few years ago. Yep, the block they do can really suck. After 3 punctures, my block was so high, my arms were numb, I could not hold my baby. Anyway, old news.
Really happy for you. Take your time recovering. It’s a lot a lot❣️????????
Aww thank you Laurie ????????
Just over here balling!! Don’t often read birth stories so real and relatable. Thank you for sharing! Praying for the pain to disappear and for that newborn bliss to sink in.
Thank you so much Kayce ????
As an old lady I have one piece of advice – when the baby sleeps, you sleep! All the other stuff can just wait! Beautiful baby and best wishes for a full recovery!
Thank you!!
Congratulations Alisa – I so enjoyed reading your post. My children are about your age and I had forgotten about the post-delivery euphoria. I also had a surprise C-section with our first but subsequent delivery was quick and uneventful – hope it will be for you too! PS – wish you were near enough to be my interior decorator!
Thank you so much!!!
Congratulations to you and Angelo, your little bundle of joy is perfect! You should never feel as being less than for having a c-section. The only thing that matters is that you have a healthy baby and that you are also safe and well. That is always the goal. How we get there is not important.
I have been following your journey for a while now and feel like a proud grandmother. Give yourself grace and time. And thank you for sharing with us.
Aw thank you so much Mary!!????????????
Congratulations! Your story gave me chills because it was so similar to my first birth. I still have lower back pain from a shitty epidural.
Enjoy that little guy! The days are long, but the years are short.
Ugh!! I’m sorry!! Thank you ????????????
Congratulations on a beautiful baby boy! And thank you for sharing your story. People don’t talk enough about the trauma of birth and the impact that has on women. It’s transformative, frightening, and a whole mess of emotions that can leave a lasting impact on your psyche. In the early months, it’s easy to forget yourself with a newborn to care for. I felt like I never really came to terms with my own birth experience until about 8 months after my little girl was born. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system and I hope you’re able to take time to care for yourself ????
Thank you so much Emily ????
What a precious little boy! I am so proud of you for being vulnerable and for your strength. Every pregnancy and every birth are so different. There is no one way and postpartum falls into that category. I hope your pain goes away quickly and it’s so great to reach out and know you’re not alone. None of this takes away from the profound joy you are experiencing! Can’t wait for more pics and it was so good to see your face 🙂
Thank you so much Linda!!????????????
First of all, congrats to y’all!!! Birth stories are fascinating so thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry you had the spinal issues. My mom went through a similar thing with me so I’ve grown up hearing how rough it was.
I was a breech baby and a c-section. My mom also had a spinal fluid leak but 36 years ago they didn’t do blood patches. So she had the spinal headache and was only able to lie flat for 2 weeks after I was born. She was discharged home like this but recovered well. I have 3 siblings who were born after me and were totally opposite – no complications and all VBACs.
I wish you the best in your recovery and new routine!
Oh wow!! Ugh it’s so painful. Thank you for the kind words ????????????
Congratulations and welcome to the world Baby Angelo! I’ve been following your pregnancy journey as my little one was due June 22 (she arrived June 10!) but similar to you, I was induced but never made it past 3cms after two days, had my epidural fall out (!!) and then an unplanned c-section (I also wondered what Id do with all the padsicles Id bought lol). A friend experienced back pain after a c-section as well but found relief through PT – hope you find some relief soon and I wish you a speedy recovery! Congrats again!
Oh wow!! Congratulations to you!! And thank you so much for the well wishes ????
Congratulations on baby Angelo! I had my first baby on June 6th and I can relate to this in a lot of ways. Although I did not have a c-section, I can relate to you mentioning you are still working through your postpartum recovery. This was the hardest part for me. I am still working through mine, 5 weeks later. As someone who has never really dealt with anxiety, I found myself overcome with anxiety and emotions after a bout with jaundice and a seemingly failed attempt at breastfeeding (which I had built up in my mind similar to your vaginal birth prep and research). I wanted to give you some words of encouragement, because as someone who just went through it and still going through it, I can truly say it does get better!! Do not be afraid to reach out to your doctor. There is no right or wrong with babies, and nothing is failed! My family reminded me of this daily when I was going through the thick of it. He is precious! Sounds like you’ve got a great support system with your husband too! Stay strong mama, you got this!
Thank you so much for sharing your story ???? congratulations on your little one!!
Sending you healing light and energy, Alisa. Pregnancy and childbirth are so much more complicated than our society seems to recognize (thus those feelings of “failure”). Throw in additional complications like yours, and you’re a hero mama. I hope your pain resolves sooner than expected, so you can experience all the joy without distraction.
Thank you for the sweet comment Ruth ????
Congratulations Alisa! He is beautiful and you are so strong. I have a condition that requires regular spinal taps so I can understand the dreading of the epidural needle and, unfortunately, the spinal migraines that accompany a botched attempt. Hope your recovery is smooth and your back heals quickly!
All three of mine were csections and I was hell bent on having a natural delivery for my first and a VBAC for my second. No, often things don’t go according to plan, but your story is worthy and wonderful and your son is 1000x worth it!! Thank you for sharing, it’s a bold thing to do!
Thank you so much Amy ????
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s beautiful. Motherhood is the hardest, most wonderful experience I’ve ever had. The days are long but the years are short. Mothers sacrifice body and mind to bring their children into the world, and you did an amazing job. You are everything he needs and no one can do it better than you. As someone who has experienced PPD twice, I know how challenging and lonely those early days can feel. My advice to you when you’re struggling— seek help, take care of yourself, and press on with confidence that the cloud will lift, because it will. Congratulations on precious baby Angelo.
Thank you so much Andrea ????????????
Congratulations! I too suffered a spinal headache from my epidural. In my case, labor and delivery were “easy” but my recovery was awful. When I didn’t show up to my son’s very first appointment with the pediatrician, the doctor told my husband “I don’t need to see the baby. Your wife needs to go to the hospital.”
Getting the blood patch was quite an ordeal and took 4 hours and what seemed like every experienced doctor’s patience in the hospital.
It’s been over 4 years now and I’m fine. Just goes to show you how even the same rare complications can go so differently. We have no control and we’re all doing our best to weather the storm. I hope you get the back pain figured out quickly.
Congrats again
Let me start by saying, Alisa your son is truly beautiful. When I first saw you delivered I noticed it was a c-section from a picture and immediately felt a bit of camaraderie because I also had a c-section in June of last year. Mine actually shares a lot of similarities to yours including an induction past the due date, not softening or dilating, multiple rounds of a cervix softener, needing oxygen after Pitocin, and ultimately having a c-section because my body was not making progress. It’s hard to know how to feel about a delivery that can be seen as “not ideal” because it’s our own special story that brought us the most beautiful baby. Ultimately our stories are beautiful and made us a mother. I remind myself of that if I catch myself thinking I would change components of my birth story.
If you’re struggling postpartum- know it gets better. I had a rough “4th trimester” but now I truly love my daily life with my sweet baby (now toddler).
Wow – thank you so much for sharing your story, Cher ????
This brought back memories of when I had my twins. I had a similar labor but was fortunate that even though I had to deliver via c-section, I did not experience the issues you had with the epidural (you poor thing!). I am so thankful for you and your husband that your baby was born safe and I hope the postpartum period keeps improving. Your baby is so beautiful! Congrats!
Thank you so much!!!
I am so happy you have such a gorgeous/ happy baby. I had no clue a normal pregnancy is 38-42 weeks. I thought 40 weeks and baby comes. My induction/pitocin ultimately left me infertile. I hate how American doctors push it hoping for C-sections.
Oh yikes!! I’m sorry to hear that.
Congratulations on your healthy baby boy. Your story brought tears to my eyes remembering my own birth process of my twin boys 29 years ago! Everything from the appreciation of great doctors and nurses to the joy of seeing your child for the first time it’s all very sentimental. How nice to hear what a great partner and father Angelo is. I hope you turn the corner shortly in your recovery. Blessings to you all.
Thank you so much Terry ????
Alisa, you look beautiful! And Angelo is beautiful too! I have enjoyed all of your posts over the years and especially watching you blossom during your pregnancy. What a story you have bringing this precious child into this world. Best wishes to you and your husband and know it’s the best experience in the world!
Thank you so so much Sandy!!????????
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Congratulations!! Angelo is adorable and you did not fail in any way. Many things in life don’t follow plans but we adjust and adapt. You’ve grown a beautiful baby and birthed him in to this world. You’re amazing, powerful, and resilient. It takes time for all the physical changes, hormones, surgery and complications to heal, and heal you will. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much Nancy ????
He is beautiful! I hope you soon find relief for the back pain. Navigating life as first time parents is not easy, but it looks you both are doing a wonderful job:)
Congrats Alisa! He’s beautiful. And please don’t for one second think that having a C-section (or for other moms-to-be out there, having an epidural) is in any way failure. I had pre-eclampsia and had to have an emergency C-section. Also went through the horrible pitocin experience to start with, and having to have 3 sticks for the epidural (because apparently I have an extra vertebrae???), and went through having to wait *hours* for my baby to be brought to my room (both times!) AND – my husband has had to have one of those blood patches, after days of having headaches and the doctors saying he couldn’t possibly need a blood patch, could he? All of this to say – in the end I was very grateful to have had aaallll of that, because, if not for all of that, we may not have made it. Ya know? So in all of the emotional rollercoaster that is happening, remember that you made it! And you most certainly won’t be radiating joy every second of the day. Totally normal. And in a hot minute, baby Angelo will be telling you he’s taking the car and is it okay if he stays out maybe a little past 2:00am? LOL All the very best to you!
Congratulations on your baby. He’s beautiful. My first labour and delivery went much like yours, except I was 13 days overdue, after 12 hrs of induced labour dilated to 3 cm and then no further. The eventual csection was traumatic for me and took literally years to process. Take your time, heal, and get well for your precious boy. I’m sorry it was not the birth you wanted. It’s ok to grieve for that, too. Sending healing vibes.
Oh my gosh! You’re such an amazing trouper ! Thank you for sharing your story, it adds even more depth to following your design journey… cheers to your beautiful family. ????
Oh Honey! That sounds rough! An induction alone even without the complications is one thing, you went through hell. I had one that actually worked with an epidural that worked on the first poke and it was still the hardest thing I’ve ever done, so I can’t imagine everything else you went through on top of that! Warrior Momma for sure! I hope you heal quickly and enjoy every moment you can with that sweet nugget. They grow like weeds!
Congrats, he’s a cute little guy! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the back pain. I know after my last baby I had a lot of back pain and I’m pretty sure it was due to having no core strength. I couldn’t stand and hold baby for more than a few seconds before I felt like doubling over. I hope your back pain goes away soon.
Hi-I don’t know you, except through Instagram, but I have a similar c-section story as yours. I have two teenagers now. One thing I learned the day I said ‘yes’ to my first, very necessary, c-section, and a thousand times over the years, is that as a mom you’ll make endless choices. And all you can do is make the best choice for your child (or teen) that’s available to you. That day, in that scary hospital room, you made the best choice! And you have a beautiful healthy baby. You’re doing great!
R
Thank you for the kind words Rebecca ????
Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! I had an emergency c-section with my first son as well. It was definitely a little traumatic and didn’t follow my birth plan. I think far to many people put a weird stigma on c-section births. You and Angelo clearly made the best decision for you and your son. Good for you for making the choice you felt was best for the both of you. And now you have a beautiful, healthy, little angel baby! That’s really all that matters. ????
Oh wow! I totally agree. Thank you Sharon ????
What an angel he looks like! I’m a mom of 2 girls, I appreciate you sharing. It’s a mom thing, we’re in this together. You keep doing you! Keep sleeping, showering, walking, getting good nutrition and kick this postpartum’s ass!!
Thank you Caitlin!!!????????????
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story! I delivered in January and your postpartum sentiments put me right back there. I also don’t publicly gush about my husband but I wouldn’t have survived postpartum without him. You are doing a great job – keep talking about your feelings and emotions with him. Get it all out. Your body went through 9 months of being strong and growing a baby. You deserve this release xx
Thank you so so much Fanny!????????
Congratulations to all of you!! You’ll feel better with time! No c-section here, but I had two failed epidurals and a vacuumed birth (I think I was dangerously close to a c-section). I had lower back pain from the epidurals for weeks, and couldn’t really walk for two days. It slowly gets better with time, so stay strong mama! ❤️ Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Thank you so much Alissa ????
Congratulations on your beautiful little boy! I’m sorry to hear about all the pain you went through. It reminded me of my firstborn labor. He was breech so they had to do a version to get him turned the right way. He was a week overdue then after laboring for a day at home I went to the hospital only to find out I was 1 cm dilated and got sent back home! I had really hoped to do a totally natural birth but after ever increasing pitocin and three days of labor I finally gave in and asked for an epidural. Even though at the time I was disappointed, it was the best decision I could have made. I finally pushed him out and he had the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times!! Thank the lord he’s healthy and happy after all we went through. And thank god for the amazing nurses and doctors. I’m sitting here typing this with my fourth baby asleep in my lap wishing you and your lovely family much joy.
Your story is beautifully written from the heart. I related so much. I “planned” a natural childbirth! I prided myself saying during the pregnancy I was not having any drugs. I drug my husband to every natural childbirth class in our city. When our day arrived I was having contractions and we packed up and skedaddled to the hospital. They checked me and promptly sent us back home to make some progress there. We return hours later and they kept me. I proceeded to labor 24 hours dilating only 2 cm. The doctor came in and said they were going to have to take the baby by emergency c-section because they were afraid he was in distress. At that time they called it non-progressive labor. All my plans went down the drain including my husband being able to be in the room because it was now deemed an emergency. In those days husbands couldn’t come in when it wasn’t a planned c-section. At that point the drugs began…. By that time I was ready for whatever it took to get him out! God had his plan and I had mine… I’m so blessed that he took the reins and brought my little boy safely into the world as he did your beautifully made little Angelo. We did not fail. We rocked it! We prevailed! We made it through with our angels and get to continue bringing them up in this world to the best of our ability’s. To love them with all our hearts. The best gift of all is motherhood. God bless you and your family and your perfect delivery story????